the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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