why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
