she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
