Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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