This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
