Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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