So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
