the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
