Pappa wants mamma naked
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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