It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
