My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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