Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
