I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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