i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Randomize
