i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
