She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
