so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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