So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
