Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
