I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
