How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
