they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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