he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
