sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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