and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
