you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
