perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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