Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
