i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
