I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
