That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
