woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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