ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
