does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
