I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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