Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
