I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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