Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
