wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
