Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you bring me the toilet please
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
