Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
