I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
