Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
