just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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