I'm so fucking centered right now
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
