whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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