I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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