i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
