If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
