i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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