walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
