I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
