You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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