Buhtt sex?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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