so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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