OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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