covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
